Dogs Demand Equal Representation in English Language

Dog-tired of the un-sophisticated image that has dogged them since the first dog- eared dictionaries of English appeared, dogs have fired a new shot in the longest running war on earth.

"We demand equal representation in the English Language!" Canine Action Committee spokeshound Clifford barked.

"Not only do three times as many English words begin with 'cat', but the 'cat' words are more sophisticated: catechumen, catena, catastasis. Dogs are relegated to doggerel like 'dogleg', 'dog-day', and 'do-gooder'. We demand revision!"

In a rather slobbery circular sent to Merriam Webster's inside a dog biscuit box, the canines demanded word revisions including "dogegorical", "dogaclysm", and "dogapult". They had originally also added "dogalytic", but that was licked out after the Committee determined that meant "splitting a dog".

"We'll toss that one to the cats," Clifford conceded, "and don't even get me started on 'analytic'... They can also keep 'catamenia' and 'catamite'."

The feline response was initially quite muted, possibly because they were all asleep.

"The only thing you've got remember is this," a felis-canid military historian explained, "Dogs are dogmatic, while cats are catatonic."

Once the cats finally recovered from their catnap, a catfight broke out in the feline camp.

"Let's just let lying dogs lie, doggone it!" the fat-cats called cathedrally from the catbird seat. However, the catch-all catholicon was met with cathectic catcalls of disapproval.

"They sure know how to put on the dog!" one protestor hissed, "What, do they expect us to lead a dog's life and then just patch it up with a cataplasm??"

While Webster's has yet to issue a formal statement on the canine demands, at least one editor seemed thoroughly unimpressed with the document.

"While they may consider themselves the 'cat's meow', I for one will never sanction this catastrophic catachresis. I'm not about to just let our language go to the dogs."