"Generation Z" may be the last generation, experts warn

The generation born from 2000 to 2020, disingenuously labeled "Generation Z", may be the last generation, generational experts are warning.

"There are no letters in the English language after Z," an expert generator explained.

"The Chinese, however, are set until the year of the pig, 34520. In America, though, we'll either have to add a letter after Z, or stop having kids." The former possibility is not considered likely, as an amendment to the dictionary would require a 2/3 quorum vote of the Intercontinental Congress followed by ratification by at least ¾ of the English speaking states. The latter possibility may become more appealing as college tuition rates continue to rise. The problem in English has been labeled the "Y2Z Problem".

The US government has responded to the upcoming crises in the usual way, by blaming Canada. Canadian author Douglas Coupland was largely responsible for popularizing the alphabetical listing of generations with his book "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture".

"My goal in picking a letter near the end of the alphabet was to accelerate the culture," Coupland explained in his defense, "During the Carter administration, most people were convinced the world was going to end in thirty years anyway. Plus, it was just cool to put an 'X' after everything. We had no idea it was going to lead to the extinction of the human race!"

Previously, generations were frequently named after wars in which they had fought. However, the US has not been belligerent enough in recent years to keep the post-war generations going. Use of the present war as a generational naming tool has posed some linguistic difficulties, as "Post-Enduring Freedom Generation" and "Post AfghanIraqIranistan Generation" have both proved too much of a mouthful for the members of these generations, whose average age is 2 years old. Proposals to name the current generation after other cataclysmic events of our time, such as the "Post Britney Spears Generation" or the "Post 2007 Patriots Generation", have not garnered widespread support. "Generation ZZZ" has been proposed, but sounds like a tired old solution. Finally, recycling back to the letter "A" is expected to create an enormous generation gap.

Historians have noted that "Z" is often an ominous letter in history. "The Dutch named the islands off the east coast of Australia 'New Zeeland' because they did not expect any more to be discovered," a historian explained, "and look what happened to them!" The Netherlands have in fact lost much of their relevance in the modern world, being primarily known for chocolate and uncles.

The generational name generating problem has become more acute in recent years. "The world is getting smaller, and generations are getting shorter," the historian continued, "The 'back in the day' generation lasted for, like, 10,000 years. Now a generation is only good for about 20!"

However, the lack of any progress on the Y2Z problem is not terribly surprising, given that it is 2008 and people still haven't decided what to call the decade that came after "the nineties". Tentatively, "the tenties" has been proposed, while the next decade will be "the twentysomethings". At the glacial pace Congress has moved to address this problem, however, it may end up being decided by historians or geologists.

"Most people think it's the first decade of the last millennium," President Bush explained when confronted with the issue by curious elementary school students.

"But it's actually the last decade of the first millennium, because Christ was born in 1 AD (that's 'After Death'), 1 year after his death."

"It's all very complicated," he added after some reflection.

Other politicians have proposed other solutions.

"Given the way this country's going, I say we just start labeling them 'degenerations'," Ross Perot yelled over the giant sucking sound of Americans retiring to Mexico.