Joggers Revive Cop Who Was Left for Dead

Joggers revived and possibly saved the life of a Seattle beat cop on Wednesday morning. Officer Frank Stuckley had parked his cruiser across the street from a Dunkin' Donuts, and walked across the street to get his breakfast and morning exercise. On the way back, however, he collapsed in the middle of the street. Several cars went around the fallen officer without stopping.

A local jogger, however, braved the rush hour traffic to join the officer in the middle of the street, and began trying to revive him. He was soon joined by several others. They poured out their water bottles on his head, and tried to entice him back to life with donuts from his bag. As he was suffering from hypodonutemia, a critical lack of donut carbohydrates in his system, their efforts were successful. After numerous pastries and a cup o' joe, Officer Stuckley got back on his feet. Upon finding the several joggers in the middle of the street, he immediately wrote each of them a citation for jaywalking, confirming his full recovery.

The first jogger to respond, Mark, who requested that his full name not be used as he had given the officer a false name for the jaywalking citation, was recognized by Mayor Bill Gates. He received the city's highest honor for jogging, the golden tennis shoe award. "I am glad that I could do my part for the city's finest," Mark said in an interview, "but I think they should rethink the golden tennis shoe award. I tried to wear it this morning on my run, but it is extremely uncomfortable and heavy and besides that its not my size and has this annoying plaque bolted to the bottom."

The golden tennis shoe currently resides on Mark's porch, along with numerous other tennis shoes, as his wife will not allow them in the house.