Meretricia Lexicon

We just got an email claiming to be the results of a Mensa competition to create new words from existing ones by adding, removing, or changing a single letter. As we do not subscribe to the mental mensuration mags (bloody hell!), we missed it. Instead, we'll just enter unofficially, the way we do everything around here anyway. Et tu, Shakespeare?

boviate	Opposite of obviate. Like, to totally have a cow, man. Boviously.
callender	A form of soft telephone rejection starting with "Hold on, let me check my schedule..."
confatulate	To congratulate anyway, even though you actually feel sorry for them.
expecorant	A muscle mag formula with exaggerated claims for building the chest. Also, the typical first user reaction when attempting to swallow said claims or formula.
expectorant	What expecting mothers spit out after 9 months. Not to be confused with expecorant.
eufemism	Saying "chairperson" when you actually mean "chairman", to appease the one woman in the room (especially when she's the chair).
flatuousness	Silliness erupting from natural bodily processes.
hacronym	An acrostic made up on the spot to help you remember something. E.g. B.M.W. - Break My Wallet. Also, any awkward addition of words or rearrangement of your name just to make your acronym better, such as the Forest Service's R.A.R.E. - Roadless Area and Review Evaluation.
hearthbroken	The rather cold feeling one gets moving from a house to an apartment and realizing it doesn't have a fireplace.
istory	A word that used to be history, but seems to have returned. Though rarely spoken, invoked often in writing with "an history of...".
madenfreunde	Joy at someone else's anger.
smarturition	Putting educational goals above family planning. For example, starting a PhD program.
That's what me said!	A weaker way of drawing attention to yourself when everyone in the room already knows there was no "she" (also useful when talking like a pirate, methinks).
Wendicant	That guy who stands outside Wendy's asking for a dollar. For food, of course.
Who's your caddy?	A term of taunting, best used in bridge when you've got all the clubs. (Apparently, also a movie. Thank you, Google.)