Spam Author Receives Nobel Prize in Literature

Prolific spam author Robert Soloway will receive the highest award for literary achievement, the Nobel committee announced on Wednesday. Soloway is one of the world's most widely read authors, with an estimated 100 million people downloading his literature every day. Unlike most authors, he has also distributed nearly all of his work free of charge, with no copyright restrictions.

"Den som inom litteraturen har producerat det utmärktaste i idealisk riktning," Academy president Sven IKEA said, which means something in Swedish.

Literary critics, especially anonymous ones on the internet, have applauded the decision. "soloways work is cuting edge in evry sense of the word," literary critic tolstoy91437 claimed, "he shows all the charicteristics of a great righter. his work has been sensored everywhere by narrow-minded people. he has been persecuted, sewed, and in fact, is now in jail just for the crime of bringing his work to the world. but he has done it all for no charge, distributing his opus to the masses for their enlightenment. all great righters have had to suffer for their craft, but he has had to suffer more than most."

Other critics have applauded his creative use of the English language. Soloway's literature contains numerous words not found in our 1998 Microsoft spell checker, and a number of constructions too event-garden for our grammar checker. Some critics have compared him to Shakespeare, who also made up words to enrich the English language. Others have claimed that he does it to make his work more intelligible in China and California, where non-standard English is frequently spoken. It has even been suggested that Soloway's writing style - heavily copied by other spam artists - forms a new dialect of English, "spamonics".

Soloway's style consists of simple, direct-to-the-point short stories and poems. His tales are generally said to appeal to the hearts more than the minds of his readers; he is truly "an author for the masses". As in Dostoyevsky, characters are frequently recycled with minor modifications. For example, one commonly appearing character has led a selfish life in some exotic country and is dying of a strange disease but now wishes to make amends by blessing the reader with a portion of his material wealth. Another character is a princess who wishes to escape her arranged marriage by finding a suitor in America - all he has to do is send a little money to demonstrate his sincerity. These and other heart-warming tales are typical of Soloway, who, unlike the "dark authors" of the 20th century, appeals to his reader's faith in humanity. He has also authored much sound financial advice. His poetry, consisting of random words in random order, has been instrumental in instituting a paradigm-shift away from the stalwart previous poetic principles of rhyme and meter.

Soloway's nomination for the prize was unusual it that all his votes came through email, rather than the traditional method of paper letters. However, he received an astounding amount of support, with 100 billion emailed messages supporting his candidacy. As there are only 7 billion people on earth, it has been suggested that the remaining letters came from extra-terrestrials who have been enjoying his unsolicited emails on the worlds-wide web.

Unfortunately, Soloway will not be able to be present at the ceremony on December 10 to receive his award, his attorneys confirmed. He has made the unusual request that the 10 million kronor (Swedish fish) award be paid in cigarettes, the preferred currency in his present home, the King County Jail. It has been speculated that the cigarettes will also be harder to seize by the numerous credit agencies that are also persecuting him for his literary activities.